Welcome to the Slutcave.

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I try to wear my label of ‘slut’ with pride. It means I am pissing people off, that I am unwomanly, [1] and am (hopefully) having a varied and fulfilling sex life (although the final condition is not necessary to be called a slut). I try to embrace it, to say it doesn’t matter, and those who don’t know me are the ones who call me a slut.

But it does matter. It is the old cliche; how to undermine a woman. I first got labeled a slut by my rapist. He actually started spreading rumors about me being a slut before he raped me, laying the groundwork if you will. It didn’t matter that I had only had one very bad experience with sex when I was 13, and wasn’t keen to repeat the experience. It didn’t matter that I was essentially a 15 year old virgin. It didn’t matter that my friends (or, at least, people I thought were friends) knew all of this. I was called a slut, far and wide. And the label stuck. So when he raped me, and I started telling people about it, there was a reputation already in place. I know being a ‘slut’ is irrelevant to being raped. I know that. My friends know that. Sadly, most people feel they can dismiss you when you are a slut. You deserved it. You made yourself at risk. All the usual bullshit.

The label sticks to this day, 11 years later. People who have never met me know me as a slut. And I try to say it doesn’t matter, because I don’t want to be friends with people who  think being a slut is a bad thing. I am trying to reclaim slut. I am trying to be proud. And on the most part, the people I associate with means it doesn’t matter if I call myself a slut.

But it does matter. It matters greatly. That one word caused irreparable damage to me. It is the one word that hurts. It is dangerous. And I need to know what to do.

Thoughts?

[1](Side note; unwomanly is red squiggly lined, and suggestion for it is ‘unmanly’).

EDIT:: Extensive discussion on twitter has decided that unwomanly isn’t a word because the true word for what I am trying to describe is slut. It is funny how these things work out, isn’t it…

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One response »

  1. For me, the term “slut” is a derogative term. There needs to be a term or a word for a woman who feels comfortable with her sexual tendencies and life.
    Labeling yourself as a slut is just asking to be judged down upon (even though the article states to the need to claim the definition back)
    Maybe the term Cyprian would fit (a cult that worshiped Aphrodite due to her birth on Cyprus – but trust the Christians to turn it into a term for prostitue though)

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